Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood cover

Raising Securely Attached Kids

Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience

by Eli Harwood

4.9(123 ratings)
16 min read

Brief overview

This book shows how to build genuinely warm connections with children, making them feel secure, loved, and emotionally equipped to face life’s ups and downs. By focusing on co-regulation and steady attachment practices, you’ll learn how to guide kids through their emotions calmly and confidently. Expect practical tips, relatable stories, and science-based insights to transform the way you interact with the young people in your life.

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Introduction

Parenting can feel like juggling a hundred tasks—diaper changes, bedtime battles, homework, and sudden meltdowns—all while you’re trying to keep some sense of order in your own life. Many parents lean on traditional methods: quick fixes, punishments, or overly strict rules. Yet these approaches often overlook the vital emotional layer that kids genuinely need. Connection-focused parenting flips that script. It prioritizes the child’s emotional safety without sacrificing structure or boundaries. Instead of focusing solely on behavior, it recognizes that a secure relationship is the strongest foundation for trust and cooperation.

When children feel safe coming to us with both excitement and tears, they naturally open up to guidance. We, in turn, learn to see discipline not as a punitive measure but as an opportunity to support and teach. It’s all about observing our kids’ emotional states before reacting. This introduction paves the way for a deeper understanding of attachment: the bond that helps children build confidence from infancy through adolescence. You’ll discover how empathy-based approaches can strengthen that sense of belonging.

Remember times when your child got hurt or upset and instinctively reached for you? That impulse is the core of attachment. When children trust they’ll be met with warmth rather than shame or distance, they grow more balanced and ready to face life’s challenges. Throughout these pages, you’ll find daily life examples, heartfelt anecdotes, and practical strategies. Each section will help you reshape old patterns, manage tricky behaviors, and ultimately create a nurturing environment for everyone.

By blending neuroscience, personal storytelling, and constructive parenting tools, this book will guide you toward raising young people who trust themselves and the world around them. The process isn’t always easy—healing rarely is—but the rewards are immense: children who know they’re safe, valued, and free to become their true selves.

Why Attachment Matters

Attachment is more than just a buzzword; it’s woven into our biology. From the moment babies cling to us, we’re teaching them that the world can be dependable. Over time, those early bonds evolve into a mental blueprint for how children see relationships. When kids feel consistently supported, they learn to explore life with curiosity rather than fear. They take emotional risks, try new things, and bounce back more easily.

Attachment includes not just physical closeness but emotional attunement. A secure base is formed when parents respond calmly and lovingly to their child’s cries, giggles, and silent stares alike. This sense of safety seeds the child’s self-confidence, because they know their feelings and needs matter. As they grow, children shift part of their attachment to friends and peers, but the home base remains crucial. They return when they’re unsure or hurting.

Studies show that kids with secure attachments handle stress better—even in extreme conditions. They also develop stronger empathy and social skills, because they’ve experienced firsthand what authentic care feels like. Conversely, when parents are inconsistent or dismissive, children often guard themselves or seek external validation. This can lead to difficulties trusting others, intensifying anxieties and stifling curiosity.

By emphasizing meaningful connection from early on—through simple acts such as eye contact, playful interaction, and calm reassurance—you’re building a robust emotional cushion. This prepares your child not just for toddler tantrums or playground disagreements, but for life’s big hurdles. And while it’s never too late to strengthen attachment, investing in it from the start makes a world of difference.

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What is Raising Securely Attached Kids about?

"Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience" lays out a transformative approach to building deep emotional bonds with children. At the heart of this guide is the concept of secure attachment, which is vital for nurturing resilient and empathetic individuals. By incorporating co-regulation and consistent attachment practices, this book provides practical advice, heartening anecdotes, and insights rooted in child development science.

The book distinguishes itself by prioritizing genuine connection over rigid discipline. It provides readers with the knowledge and tools to guide children through their emotional landscapes, building a foundation of confidence and trust. By highlighting emotional attunement and empathy, the book demonstrates the profound impact of connection-focused parenting in fostering a strong sense of self in children, empowering them to thrive in an ever-changing world.

Review of Raising Securely Attached Kids

Eli Harwood's "Raising Securely Attached Kids" is a standout resource in the realm of parenting literature. Its key strength lies in its ability to demystify the complex process of nurturing secure attachments without overwhelming the reader. By intertwining relatable stories with actionable strategies, it bridges the gap between knowledge and practical application.

The author's use of a conversational and welcoming tone makes the book accessible, ensuring that readers do not feel intimidated by complex child psychology terms. With a focus on everyday scenarios, Harwood effectively illustrates how secure attachment practices can be seamlessly integrated into family routines, catering specifically to the modern parenting challenges.

This book is highly relevant to parents eager to explore sustainable, connection-focused approaches rather than relying on punitive measures or empty incentives. By offering a fresh perspective on building relationships, it invites caregivers to examine their own attachment styles and how they can be adjusted to benefit the entire family. I wholeheartedly recommend "Raising Securely Attached Kids" as a transformative tool for any parent seeking to establish lasting emotional bonds with their children.

Who should read Raising Securely Attached Kids?

  • Young Parents: Ideal for new parents seeking to create a nurturing environment that supports their child's emotional growth from the start.
  • Educators: Teachers and childcare professionals can benefit by understanding attachment theories, aiding their approach when dealing with students' behavioral concerns.
  • Therapists: Child psychologists and counselors will find the attachment models useful in advising families and understanding relational dynamics.
  • Grandparents: Grandparents who play a significant role in child-rearing can enhance their interaction to build stronger connections with grandchildren.
  • Single Parents: Particularly beneficial for single parents juggling multiple roles to maintain consistent and secure attachments with their children.

About the author

Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist and educator with over 17 years of experience helping people process relational traumas and develop secure attachment relationships. She holds a Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology (2008) and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State of Colorado. Eli is also the author of "Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships" and co-founder of the PASS Center in Denver. Her work focuses on guiding individuals and parents in creating secure attachment bonds through connection-focused parenting.

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