Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish cover

Siblings Without Rivalry

How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

4.7(2,761 ratings)
13 min read

Brief overview

This book shows you how to handle sibling relationships with greater patience, empathy, and practical skills. It explores the reasons behind sibling rivalry and offers straightforward approaches that help children cooperate, manage anger, and build lifelong bonds. You’ll come away with a toolkit for encouraging harmony and confidence in all your children.

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Introduction

If you’ve ever felt helpless while your children squabble incessantly, you’re in good company. Sibling bickering often jars our nerves and leaves us doubting our parenting skills. Even the most diligent parents can find themselves overwhelmed by the volume of yelling, tattling, and crying.

This book underlines that sibling rivalry is normal, even predictable, because children are competing for resources like time, love, and approval. Yet, there’s hope: by responding with empathy and offering structure, parents can help kids manage their frustration, learn to cooperate, and discover a more rewarding way to live together.

We’ll take a look at the reasons why siblings clash, how comparing them adds fuel to the fire, and how acknowledging their emotions can actually calm them down. Then we’ll uncover methods to handle everything from biting words to flying fists, step by step. Let’s dive in.

Small changes in how you speak to your children can spark big changes in their behavior.

Why Siblings Compete

Parents often dream of children who adore each other on sight—only to be shocked when harsh words or even hair-pulling becomes routine. The heart of sibling rivalry lies in each child’s need to feel valued and secure. With more than one child sharing your attention, children can believe there isn’t enough love or approval to go around.

Add daily stresses, unique temperaments, and simple misunderstandings, and you get a recipe for consistent run-ins. Children who feel overshadowed by a sibling’s accomplishments may lash out verbally or physically. Meanwhile, the child labeled “the star” might fear losing that standing, creating additional tension.

Step one is recognizing that rivalry is normal, yet it can be softened with careful input from you. It matters how you respond in arguments—especially whether you escalate or de-escalate the tension. Acknowledging each child’s perspective lays a foundation of security in which each sibling feels seen.

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What is Siblings Without Rivalry about?

"Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a transformative guide for parents looking to foster harmony between their children. This insightful book explores the underlying causes of sibling rivalry, offering practical strategies to navigate the often turbulent waters of sibling relationships. By understanding emotions and employing empathetic responses, parents can encourage cooperation and mutual respect, turning competition into collaboration.

At the heart of this book are actionable steps parents can take to minimize sibling conflicts. It provides techniques to help parents avoid labels, manage disputes, and promote independent conflict resolution among children. By cultivating an environment where every child feels valued, parents can build the foundation for lifelong bonds between siblings.

The magic of "Siblings Without Rivalry" lies in its realistic and empathetic approach. It's not just about preventing quarrels, but nurturing an atmosphere where children learn resilience and emotional intelligence. By the book's end, readers are equipped with a toolkit that transforms family dynamics, allowing everyone to thrive, together.

Review of Siblings Without Rivalry

"Siblings Without Rivalry" is a treasure trove for any parent whose daily life echoes with the sound of sibling skirmishes. Faber and Mazlish's refreshing approach does not shy away from acknowledging the normalcy of sibling rivalries but rather leans into understanding and overcoming them. The book excels in imparting practical wisdom that can be seamlessly woven into everyday parenting.

One of the book's standout features is its focus on practical applications. It avoids generic advice and provides specific tools parents can use immediately. By encouraging open communication and teaching children to articulate emotions rather than act out, it creates a positive family environment. Readers find themselves equipped to deal with everything from minor spats to major showdowns, armed with empathy and effective communication strategies.

The authors deliver their insights with an accessible writing style that mixes professional insight with relatable anecdotes. This makes the content both engaging and applicable. The book is especially valuable for parents eager to understand their children's conflicts and support their emotional wellness. Overall, "Siblings Without Rivalry" does not promise a conflict-free home but a more harmonious one. Highly recommended for parents seeking to transform sibling dynamics in healthy, sustainable ways.

Who should read Siblings Without Rivalry?

  • Parents with multiple children interested in promoting family harmony.
  • New parents seeking proactive techniques to handle future sibling relationships.
  • Child psychologists looking for proven conflict resolution strategies.
  • Educators and child caregivers aiming to understand sibling dynamics better.
  • Family therapists seeking additional resources for client recommendations.

About the author

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed experts on communication between adults and children. They studied with the late child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott and were former members of the faculty of The New School for Social Research in New York and The Family Life Institute of Long Island University. Together, they co-authored several bestselling books, including "Siblings Without Rivalry," which reached #1 on The New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into over 30 languages. Their work has been recognized with awards such as the Christopher Award for "literary achievement affirming the highest values of the human spirit."

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