Love Sense

The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

by Sue Johnson

4.6(939 ratings)

10 min read

Brief overview

This book explores why emotional bonds are at the heart of lasting relationships and how our need for connection shapes our lives. Through real stories and cutting-edge research, it shows that romantic love follows key principles of healthy attachment, guiding us toward compassion, trust, and deeper intimacy.

Introduction

What does it mean to truly love someone? Many of us believe that love is a magical, elusive force, impossible to define. Yet we all feel its undeniable power. When we find ourselves longing for comfort and closeness, it's often because we seek emotional safety. This is the foundation of deep and lasting partnerships.

In this book, the idea that love is not a mystery but a specific kind of bond is central. It’s a vivid shift from the notion that romance is a nice feeling or a passing spark. Instead, it’s revealed as a powerful attachment, similar to the connection between a child and caregiver, but growing and evolving in uniquely adult ways.

By looking at couples who struggle and couples who succeed, we see them move through patterns of closeness and conflict. Understanding how these patterns form is the first step. Once we see these hidden forces, we can shape them to create a new, fulfilling dance of love.

If you've ever felt lost or alone in a relationship, this perspective provides hope. We can learn to repair broken bonds, deepen trust, and rediscover the warmth of a secure partnership—simply by harnessing our innate capacity to love and be loved.

The Power of Emotional Bonds

Emotional bonding is what gives us a sense of security. From birth, we learn to seek comfort in the faces and arms of the people who protect us. As adults, this very same need for closeness drives us to find and keep romantic partners.

Research shows that we function best when we know someone “has our back.” Physiologically, a steady, supportive presence lowers stress hormones and helps us stay calm. Psychologically, it grounds us so we can explore the world and handle challenges without constant anxiety.

In essence, we’re hardwired to greet emotional separation as a threat. So when partners pull away, it can feel like a survival crisis. Yet, once we realize that staying close reduces fear, we can intentionally create connections that bring relief and renewed optimism.

At our core, we naturally reach for relationships that soothe, protect, and enliven us.

Looking to dive deeper into Love Sense?

Download our app to unlock every key idea and gain full access.

What is Love Sense about?

In "Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships," Dr. Sue Johnson unveils the intricate dance of human bonds, focusing on our intrinsic need for emotional connection. Drawing from decades of research and real-life stories, Johnson demonstrates that romantic love is not just a whimsical notion but an essential part of our psychological makeup. Central to her argument is the concept of attachment theory, which sheds light on how emotional bonds inform all aspects of adult relationships, from trust and intimacy to conflict resolution. This book is a testament to the idea that by understanding our attachment needs, we can create deeper, more enduring connections.

Exploring themes like emotional safety, conflict as a growth opportunity, and the role of communication, "Love Sense" is a practical guide to transforming relationships. It challenges the misconception that dependence on a partner signifies weakness, presenting it instead as a cornerstone of thriving partnerships. This approach not only provides a roadmap for those seeking to understand the complexities of love but also offers tangible techniques for enhancing passion and rekindling trust. As readers engage with Johnson's insights, they discover how relationships can not only survive but flourish.

This book matters because it brings focus to emotional literacy in relationships, emphasizing empathy and vulnerability as pivotal elements. It has the power to transform not only personal connections but also the broader conversation about love and marriage by rooting them in a scientifically grounded perspective. Dr. Johnson's work becomes a catalyst for positive change, empowering individuals to foster love that enriches their emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Review of Love Sense

Dr. Sue Johnson’s "Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships" is a masterclass in understanding the complexities of love. The book's key strength lies in its ability to demystify the age-old question of why humans yearn for love and companionship. By grounding her discourse in attachment theory, Johnson bridges the gap between scientific study and practical application, making concepts accessible to the average reader.

What sets "Love Sense" apart is its practical approach, offering tools that readers can apply directly to their relationships. The insights on using conflicts as opportunities for growth rather than signs of decay are particularly impactful. Moreover, Johnson's writing style is both engaging and clear, blending professional insights with relatable anecdotes that illustrate her points vividly.

The book’s universal appeal makes it a boon for various audiences—from young couples just starting their journey, to long-established partners seeking renewal. Its relevance in today’s fast-paced world, where relationships often take a backseat, cannot be overstated. For anyone seeking to understand the science behind emotional bonds or looking to deepen their romantic ties, "Love Sense" is a must-read. It’s an enlightening, hopeful guide, and I highly recommend it to all who wish to enrich their lives with love.

Who should read Love Sense?

Couples in long-term relationships who wish to reignite passion and strengthen their bond.
Young adults exploring emotional connections in new romantic relationships for guidance and insight.
Professionals in psychology or counseling seeking a deeper understanding of attachment theory in practice.
Individuals experiencing relationship strife aiming for tools to navigate conflicts and foster emotional safety.
Self-improvement enthusiasts eager to enhance their interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence.

About the author

Dr. Sue Johnson is a globally respected clinical psychologist, researcher, and author known for her groundbreaking work in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of British Columbia (1984) and has over 35 years of experience in the field. Dr. Johnson is the founder of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) and has received numerous awards, including the Order of Canada and the 2022 Lifetime Achievement Award from Psychotherapy Networker. She has authored several influential books, including "Love Sense," which explores the science of romantic relationships, and "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love."