UnSelfie by Michele Borba cover

UnSelfie

Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World

by Michele Borba

4.7(766 ratings)
15 min read

Brief overview

This book highlights how empathy can transform children’s lives in a world that often glorifies self-interest. By focusing on practical strategies for nurturing moral identity, emotional literacy, and compassionate action, it offers parents, educators, and caregivers tools to help kids become caring, resilient, and kind. Expect tangible techniques and real anecdotes that show why raising empathetic children has never been more vital.

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Introduction

A grieving father once pleaded that if children were taught to empathize, his bullied son might still be alive. This heartbreak speaks to a larger cultural crisis: When empathy is sidelined, aggression rises, and compassion fades. Society is left with kids who are academically driven yet disconnected from one another’s feelings—and sometimes from their own.

In UnSelfie, the focus is on turning this tide by revealing realistic ways to raise empathetic children. Rather than piling on abstract theories, it presents simple, powerful ideas that mold youngsters into caring, collaborative, and resilient people. Sometimes, that growth begins with something as basic as learning to decode a baby’s facial cues or practicing comfort toward a classmate.

The goal here is crucial: equip adults—parents, caregivers, and teachers—to become empathy-builders. When children feel heard and supported, they, in turn, learn to serve and support others. Empathy becomes their moral compass, shaping their decisions well into adulthood. The hope is to transcend a “me-first” mentality and guide the next generation toward a healthier, kinder outlook.

Empathy is the one skill that can truly bridge differences and nurture unity.

This introduction sets the stage: empathy isn’t a soft side issue. It’s the backbone of strong relationships, ethical judgments, and societal well-being. If you’ve ever wondered how to raise a child who not only succeeds but cares, this book’s lessons and real-life examples will help light the path.

The Empathy Gap

A growing body of data indicates a disturbing drop in empathy among young people. Increases in bullying, harsh peer conflicts, and publicized incidents of cruelty suggest kids are not learning to step into others’ shoes. Meanwhile, they often feel isolated and stressed themselves, which can sabotage their ability to connect compassionately.

Experts believe this empathy gap can be linked to cultural shifts. A hypercompetitive environment and nonstop digital interaction have made genuine face-to-face emotional exchanges less frequent. Many children are prioritizing personal achievements over caring for peers—and parents, too, may unintentionally reinforce the message that good grades matter more than good deeds.

Consequences ripple out. When kids grow up valuing personal success above all else, empathy shrinks, while anxiety and narcissism climb. Not only are children more prone to disrespect, they also struggle with forging meaningful relationships. In a world that can feel “every person for themselves,” emotional well-being plummets, and entire communities pay the price.

But the good news is that empathy is a learnable trait. By placing a spotlight on how to care about another’s feelings—rather than focusing strictly on performance—adults can shift the norm. This book shows that even small, consistent changes in mindset and behavior can knit back the frayed social bonds in classrooms, neighborhoods, and families.

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What is UnSelfie about?

"UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World" by Michele Borba stands as a beacon in today’s individualistic society, illuminating the transformative power of empathy. The book delves into the growing empathy deficit among young individuals, offering parents, educators, and caregivers a blueprint to cultivate emotional intelligence in children. By focusing on fostering empathy through moral identity, emotional literacy, and compassionate action, "UnSelfie" represents a practical roadmap for shaping children into well-rounded, caring individuals.

The book is structured around actionable insights, drawing from real-life anecdotes and research to demonstrate empathy’s impact on children. At a time when the world often prioritizes self-centered achievements, this book presents empathy as not just a beneficial trait but an essential skill for success. It empowers adults with tools to guide the growth of empathetic children, spotlighting empathy's role in reducing bullying and nurturing responsible, kind, and resilient future global citizens.

With Michele Borba's insightful approach, "UnSelfie" matters because it focuses on holistic development, emphasizing that success isn’t just about individual accomplishments but also the ability to understand and connect with others emotionally. Its resonance lies in its message: fostering empathy today shapes a better, kinder tomorrow.

Review of UnSelfie

Michele Borba's "UnSelfie" skillfully uncovers the dwindling presence of empathy in today’s youth, presenting an eye-opening narrative supported by research and experiences. One of the key strengths of this book is its solutions-based approach, providing a clear framework for nurturing empathy in children. It’s this practicality that truly sets "UnSelfie" apart, offering unique strategies designed to cultivate compassion in young minds.

Real-world applications of the teaching strategies present in "UnSelfie" highlight empathy's practicality. Whether it's teaching children to recognize and manage their emotions or encouraging perspective-taking, Borba offers tangible methods that can be integrated into everyday life. These insights are underpinned by engaging anecdotes, making them accessible and relatable, ensuring that practical takeaways are both memorable and actionable.

The book’s prose is straightforward, clear, and engaging, easy for both professionals and lay readers. This accessibility enhances its impact, making it an invaluable resource for parents, educators, and caregivers. By going beyond theoretical discussion and focusing on actionable strategies, Borba crafts a compelling recommendation for prioritizing empathy, demonstrating its critical role in the future success and happiness of children in today’s interconnected world.

Who should read UnSelfie?

  • Parents and caregivers seeking practical advice on nurturing empathy in children will find Borba's strategies helpful in creating a foundation for emotional intelligence.
  • Educators and school counselors looking to integrate empathy-based programs into the curriculum will benefit from the book's evidence-based techniques and classroom-friendly activities.
  • Child psychologists and behavior specialists interested in expanding their toolkits with empathy-focused interventions can use the book's research-backed approaches to support their work.
  • Policy makers and community leaders aiming to promote emotional literacy in schools and neighborhoods should consider the book's insights for broader societal impact.
  • Youth mentors and community volunteers wanting to incorporate empathy-building activities within their programs will find inspiration in Borba's actionable guides.

About the author

Michele Borba is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and parenting expert recognized for her solution-based strategies to strengthen children’s character and resilience. She holds a Doctorate in Educational Psychology and Counseling from the University of San Francisco, an M.A. in Learning Disabilities, and a B.A. from the University of Santa Clara. With over 30 years of experience, she has authored 24 books translated into 19 languages, including "UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World," and has appeared over 150 times on the TODAY show and numerous other media outlets. She is a recipient of the National Educator Award and has served as a consultant to hundreds of schools and corporations.

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