Not Nice

Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

4.6(2,322 ratings)

10 min read

Brief overview

This book uncovers how habitual niceness, driven by fear and guilt, can sabotage confidence and authenticity. It reveals how letting go of people-pleasing, addressing hidden resentment, and learning to say no with grace paves the way for deeper connections. By reading it, you discover how bold honesty and self-acceptance free you to show up as your real, powerful self.

Introduction

Have you ever felt trapped in the role of being the “nice person,” afraid to speak your mind for fear of upsetting someone? This book begins by examining that very impulse and reveals how politeness and people-pleasing can limit your connections. Instead of creating harmony, it can stifle your genuine thoughts and needs.

You’ll find that niceness often arises from fear of disapproval rather than genuine kindness. By simply being agreeable all the time, you may be silencing your true self and missing the opportunity to form deeper relationships. This tension between pleasing others and staying true to yourself is the central challenge the book sets out to solve.

In these pages, you’ll discover strategies to move from anxiety to boldness—learning to say no when needed, speak with honesty, and enjoy the freedom of unapologetically being who you are. The goal is to help you go beyond ‘nice’ and step into a more fulfilling and genuine way of relating to others.

Breaking free from niceness reveals the truest version of ourselves.

The High Cost of Being Too Nice

When we try to always be pleasing, we inevitably push down our own needs. The immediate result might be social acceptance, but underneath there’s often quiet anger and fatigue. Over time, that hidden resentment can discolor our relationships, leading to guilt and even physical stress.

One of the book’s anecdotes describes a person who frequently agreed to lead projects at work, even though they were overloaded. After months of late nights and strained personal life, they realized the root problem was that they couldn’t say no. Their niceness had become a form of self-sabotage.

Becoming aware of the cost of ‘too nice’ is the first step toward changing. Recognizing how much energy you lose, how much anxiety being perpetually agreeable creates, motivates you to move past the habit. It lays the groundwork for a mindset shift: speaking up and setting boundaries can actually improve connections and build trust.

Silencing your own voice to please everyone else drains your unique spark.

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What is Not Nice about?

Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a powerful guide that unravels the complexities of chronic niceness. The book delves deep into the repercussions of undue politeness and the underlying guilt that enforces it. It sheds light on how altering this habit can pave the way for personal empowerment and unconditional authenticity.

Drawing from personal anecdotes and profound insights, Dr. Gazipura provides readers with practical methods to understand and dismantle the pervasive need to please everyone. The book paints a vivid picture of the hidden resentment and anxiety that can arise from prioritizing others before oneself. The transformative journey it outlines encourages readers to embrace self-acceptance, confidence, and the courage to say 'no' with grace while infusing honesty into personal relationships.

By learning to strike a balance between kindness and self-respect, the book enables individuals to cultivate deeper, more genuine connections. It's a significant read for those wanting to explore the nuances of healthy relations, personal autonomy, and being unreservedly humane. 'Not Nice' is an invitation not just to be better to others, but first, to be kind to yourself.

Review of Not Nice

Not Nice strikes a commendable balance between addressing an often-overlooked issue and offering a practical roadmap to liberation. Dr. Aziz Gazipura combines psychological insight with actionable strategies, solidifying the book's place as a credible resource for tackling the pervasive habit of people-pleasing. Its key strength lies in its ability to pinpoint the habitual fear and guilt that often guide behaviors, allowing readers to identify with the content on a personal level.

The book’s greatest triumph is its practical approach, offering readers insightful exercises to practice assertiveness and redefine boundaries. It successfully outlines the tangible benefits of shedding niceness, from improved confidence to enhanced relationship dynamics. With clear examples and relatable anecdotes, Dr. Gazipura's accessible writing style makes complex psychological concepts approachable for a wide audience.

Whether navigating family dynamics or professional interactions, this guide caters to anyone seeking authentic self-expression. The conversational yet professional tone ensures the book is grounded and inspiring, shunning superficial optimism in favor of genuine empowerment. In short, 'Not Nice' doesn’t just encourage a perspective shift—it equips you with tools to make it happen. It comes highly recommended for anyone striving to embrace their genuine self.

Recommendation: An essential read for those ready to reclaim their voices and cultivate genuine self-worth.

Who should read Not Nice?

Emerging Leaders: Professionals aspiring to hone leadership qualities can benefit greatly from adopt.
Therapists and Coaches: Provides valuable insights into overcoming people-pleasing habits.
Individuals Seeking Authenticity: Ideal for those struggling with self-expression.
Students of Psychology: Offers a practical application to theoretical concepts on self-esteem.
Anyone Feeling Overlooked: Empowers those who feel their true selves are hidden by societal expectations.

About the author

Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a clinical psychologist and one of the world's leading experts on social confidence. He holds a doctorate from Stanford University and is the founder of The Center for Social Confidence, an organization dedicated to helping individuals break through shyness and social anxiety. With thousands of hours of training, counseling, and coaching experience, Dr. Gazipura has helped numerous people worldwide increase their confidence. He is also the author of "The Solution to Social Anxiety" and has written extensively on overcoming people-pleasing and building assertiveness.