The Myths of Happiness

What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn't, What Shouldn't Make You Happy, but Does

by Sonja Lyubomirsky

4.4(266 ratings)

12 min read

Brief overview

This book gently dismantles the idea that certain life events automatically lead to lasting happiness or misery. It offers research-based insights showing how we adapt to successes, cope with setbacks, and shape our own contentment. By reframing common myths, it illustrates that genuine fulfillment arises from how we respond to life’s changes.

Introduction: Challenging Fixed Notions

Many of us assume that once we find our perfect job or partner, everything will fall into place. Yet we often learn that the excitement from these achievements fades. This book argues that believing in automatic, everlasting happiness from set milestones is largely a myth.

It shows that our minds naturally adapt to both pleasant and painful changes. This concept, called hedonic adaptation, explains why newlyweds can feel a slump years later and why losing a job need not destroy our spirit permanently. Our expectations about happiness often miss how adaptable we truly are.

In these pages, you will see how everyday choices – focusing on gratitude, nurturing meaningful goals, or reframing setbacks – can shape how we feel over time. By challenging the myths that lock us into rigid happiness scripts, we gain a sense of personal agency over our emotional lives.

Think of this book as a toolkit. Each chapter tackles a different myth, like 'I’ll be happy once I’m married' or 'I can’t be happy if I’m broke,' and unpacks the science behind why our assumptions might be wrong. From there, it offers fresh ways to reclaim and sustain well-being.

The Illusion of “I’ll Be Happy When…”

We often pin our hopes on future milestones: promotions, marriage, parenthood. The moment we reach them, we expect a permanent boost in how we feel. But research suggests that while these events can elevate our mood initially, we inevitably revert to our customary emotional baseline.

One reason is that we acclimate. The flashy new car that thrilled us becomes just another part of daily life. Over time, we notice the dents and routine maintenance more than its exciting features. This adaptive process is a survival skill, but it also means we overestimate the joy that good news can bring.

Furthermore, people tend to misjudge how quickly they recover from negative experiences, like breakups or financial loss. Painful events matter, but their influence fades as new goals and daily experiences occupy our mind. Understanding this gap in our forecasts helps us plan better and handle life transitions more calmly.

Desiring a brighter future is normal, but tying all happiness to one future event can blind us to the many small joys and strengths in our present.

Looking to dive deeper into The Myths of Happiness?

Download our app to unlock every key idea and gain full access.

What is The Myths of Happiness about?

"The Myths of Happiness" by Sonja Lyubomirsky eloquently challenges the preconceived notions of what should bring us joy and fulfillment. Through a compelling examination of life events often believed to lead to happiness, this book reveals how true contentment often eludes us when tied solely to achievements like marriage, career success, or financial gain. Instead, it presents a refreshing perspective on human adaptability and resilience, proposing that our responses to life's changes significantly influence our overall well-being.

Lyubomirsky dives deep into the societal myths surrounding happiness, critically examining why milestones we traditionally value may not yield the perpetual joy we expect. The book beautifully highlights the concept of hedonic adaptation, uncovering how quickly humans acclimate to both triumphs and setbacks. Readers will appreciate the alternative paths to happiness through the practice of gratitude, releasing unrealistic goals, and finding meaning in seemingly mundane moments. Ultimately, the book provides a roadmap for rethinking happiness to foster sustainable, authentic fulfillment regardless of life’s unpredictable nature.

Review of The Myths of Happiness

"The Myths of Happiness" shines through its ability to intertwine extensive psychological research with practical life applications. A notable strength of this book lies in its approach to debunk widely held beliefs, allowing readers to reassess the benchmarks for happiness promoted by society. It offers a reality check, highlighting the contrast between what we think should make us happy and the actual experiences that do.

Lyubomirsky’s writing is both accessible and engaging, blending academic insights with everyday language, making complex concepts digestible for the average reader. The book offers practical strategies to embrace adaptation as a tool for contentment, providing readers with actionable takeaways. Readers are encouraged to leverage perspective shifts, combat boredom with innovation, and let go of societal pressures, anchoring their happiness in authentic personal growth.

Well-suited for those grappling with disillusionment from unmet expectations, this book serves as a valuable guide for anyone eager to redefine happiness on their own terms. Whether you're seeking to enhance personal relationships, find workplace satisfaction, or merely wanting to understand happiness better, "The Myths of Happiness" is an insightful companion. Highly recommended for both individual reflection and group discussions, this book offers a profound paradigm shift in our pursuit of happiness.

Who should read The Myths of Happiness?

Psychologists and mental health professionals seeking insights into happiness and adaptation.
Self-help enthusiasts who enjoy exploring new perspectives on personal fulfillment.
Individuals at career crossroads eager for guidance on achieving genuine satisfaction.
Couples looking to enrich their relationships through deeper emotional understanding.
Academics interested in the psychological theories behind happiness and contentment.

About the author

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside. She received her A.B. summa cum laude from Harvard University and her Ph.D. in Social/Personality Psychology from Stanford University. With nearly 35 years of experience in happiness research, she has been honored with numerous awards, including an Honorary Doctorate from the University of Basel, the Diener Award, and a million-dollar grant from the National Institute of Mental Health. She is also the author of "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want".