Talking to Strangers

We often assume that people’s actions and words reveal exactly who they are. Yet this assumption can fail us, especially when we approach those we do not know well. This opening section poses a big question: If we struggle to understand strangers, how do we keep society running without constant error?

The book begins by exploring how simple encounters can spiral out of control when we rely on snap judgments. Whether it is a bureaucrat missing a massive fraud or a highway patrol officer overreacting, the same pattern emerges: we think we can read someone’s intentions, but frequently, we are mistaken.

This mismatch between how we think strangers should behave and how they actually behave lies at the heart of countless misunderstandings. Over the chapters, you will see stories of finance scandals, espionage, sexual assault cases, and everyday traffic stops—all turned tragic by the same errors.

We might feel confident in judging a stranger’s credibility by simply observing them. Yet research shows we do not detect lies well, and false impressions are surprisingly easy to form. We frequently believe we can index a person’s honesty through eye contact or their tone, but this is often unreliable.

An example is how governments or institutions placed trust in seemingly ordinary individuals whose misbehavior was blatant in hindsight. This highlights a recurring theme: we judge people based on a ‘default to truth,’ which makes us accept what they say unless the doubts become impossible to ignore.

Some critics push back, arguing we should be more cynical. But the book suggests that extreme distrust is equally paralyzing. Society functions only because we usually give others the benefit of the doubt. The real challenge is recognizing the cost we pay when that assumption fails.